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Smitty.doc See what you…Continue
Started by Nancy W. Rouse Oct 25, 2011.
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Smitty is a young man who gets trapped in a college sting and end up in prison for ten years but is very much a mentor and gains his freedom by being there for someone who needed his help and got himself out of jail sooner then later
This is a scene from a script that I am currently writing (initial draft), let's see what you think. It takes place at a small, one weekend renaissance faire in Wisconsin:
Ext. sword practice filed - continuous - day
Lined up on the SWORD PRACTICE FIELD in five rows of four are the "students" for John's class. The football players in the back row.
The group is a mixture of kids, teens (boys and girls), and few guys that obviously live in their Mother's basement and make a life out of online gaming.
Each student is holding a waster, the kids looking excited, the gamers practicing "moves" from their games, and the four football players making "hiyah" noises and pretending to hit each other.
Outside of the ropes, there are lots of spectators watching the "show", the four Cheerleaders blowing kisses to the football players and pretending to flash them.
JOHN
Alright, listen up. Give yourselves plenty of room, even though we won't be swinging the wasters hard or fast today, you still need room to not only strike, but to step forward and back as well. We are going to start...
PLAYER #3 (22), a mountain of a man with a blue mohawk hairstyle and a huge hoop earring, raises his hand.
Player #3
Did you say that we were going to get wasted? That's cool.
All four football players are cracking up. The other people in the class are obviously getting ticked off.
GAMER #1, (30), thin, gangly and wearing an Extreme Knights T-shirt, turns to the players from his spot in the front row.
GAMER #1
Why don't you guys hold it down. I'm paying for this class and I would like to learn something today.
PLAYER #3
How 'bout I come up there and teach you not to throw an attitude at me.
With the others egging him on Player #3 starts to walk toward the front row. Frightened kids in the other rows run to get out of his way.
JOHN
(in a thundering voice)
Get your butt back in line or I am going to kick all four of you out of here.
PLAYER #4 (19), a short, bulldog of a man, snarls back.
PLAYER #4
Why don't you try and make us?
PLAYER #3
Yeah, little man, why don't you try and make us. I'll shove that silly wooden sword up your ass.
JOHN
Fine. Everyone else, please step outside of the ropes. We will begin class in a few moments. I promise that you will get your full hour.
The practice field quickly clears and the football players surround John, who is standing calmly in the center of the field, his waster held in a low guard.
JOHN
(speaking to the spectators)
The position that I am taking is called "the fool" in German swordsmanship and "the iron gate" in Italian. It is a position that I favor when fighting more than one opponent.
PLAYER #3
What the hell are you doing?
JOHN
I'm teaching my class, that is what you are paying me for.
PLAYER #4
This is bullshit.
Player #4, who is to the right of John, rushes in and attempts to tackle John. John, sidesteps and brings his sword up, but doesn't hit the player, instead he kicks him in the back of the knee as he passes by, dropping the player to the grass, face first.
Player #2, who is behind John, yells and attacks while John's attention is still on the downed player. Pivoting on the ball of his foot, John effortlessly turns, knocks the player's sword from his hand and kicks him in the rump. Unable to stop his momentum, Player #2 trips and falls across Player #4.
Player #3, standing directly in front of John, attacks with his sword, swinging wildly and actually forcing John back a few steps, though he is blocking effortlessly and actually seems a bit bored.
JOHN
(speaking while fighting)
The secret of Western Martial Arts is to control your emotions, especially anger, fight from your center, and never let yourself become flustered. Or, you will end up like this gentleman...
John quickly shifts from defense to offense and quickly disarms Player #3. Stopping him cold with the point of the waster touching the player's throat.
JOHN
(continuing)
without a weapon and, if I weren't such a nice guy, dead.
John looks over to Player #1.
JOHN
Now, can we get back to class? The faire will be closing soon and you paid for a full hour of practice.
PLAYER #1
You're not kicking us out?
JOHN
Nah, you aren't the first guys to need a little "personal" instruction.
In this audiocast Alan discusses:
•How to use your fears as a way into your story
•How to explore the dilemma at the heart of your story
•Why telling your story to others can kill the 'aliveness of the story'
•Why 'figuring out' the plot will never get you to the end of your story
LISTEN NOW! http://holdonlog.com/pages/LA-Writers-Lab-WhyStuck.html
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